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ATLARGE III
Jeff Wood's Trip Report
Lightly edited by Jazbo
Jazbo's Note: I am very pleased that Jeff has allowed me to post his ATLARGE
trip report. I think it deserves to go into the archives as one of
the great ones. It certainly give the true flavor of the event for
those who haven't yet attended.
--jazbo
Part I: The Traveler
In making my plans to attend ATLARGE III, I had my choice of flights on
Thursday to make it to the smoker. I chose the 3:15 pm flight that would
allow my wife to work half a day (her employer is notoriously tight with
time off), yet put me into Philadelphia about 4:00. Surely FIVE HOURS would
be enough time to get from PHL to the Old Waterway Inn. (No, it wasn't
and don't call me Shirley).
All of you EAST players saw my poker chip case. A thin briefcase-looking
thing with ten rows of a hundred chips. What do you think that looks like
going through a security X-ray?
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"Step over here, sir." |
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"Do NOT approach your bag, sir." |
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"What is in the bag, sir?" |
All the while my Peg is there, too, with security giving her the evil eye
while they warily have me open the case to ensure that there aren't ten
sticks of TNT in there, and then wish to examine a few individual chips
to ensure they aren't C-4.
I think that was a VERY good time to be careful and NOT joke about things,
no? (It happened again outbound from Philly, too.... )
We board late, at 3:30, after a thunderstorm rolled through Raleigh.
We roll out to the tarmac, where we PARK while the captain says... "Ladies
and Gentleman, Air Traffic Control has placed a hold on departures leaving
for Philadelphia, Newark, and New York due to weather in the area. We'll
be waiting here for a few minutes. We expect the next update from ATC in
about fifteen minutes." Aiyah! At 4:15, the captain comes on the speaker
and says "Ladies and Gentlemen, ATC has told us that the hold is still
in effect, and that the next update will be at five o'clock. I'm sorry..."
yada yada yada. AIYAH! *IF* we make it into the air at 5:30, landing at
6:30, I'll now BARELY have time to make it on the trains to reach A.C.
by 9 pm. This sucks. What sucks even more is that the captain is full of
$%!#. A young lad of about 13 has a walkman-type device, and it's SOMEHOW
picking up the conversation between ATC and the flight deck. ATC doesn't
believe it will be lifted any time soon, but they won't CANCEL us -- they'll
check again at five.
They take the plane BACK to the gate to add fuel, as they now expect
to be holding over Philly once we DO get airborne. The steward is told
he cannot serve drinks on the ground, and the passengers are revolting
(but the gal in seat 7A was kind of cute), so they let us OFF the plane
so that we can head to the bar. ConsolationDING!
So, they FINALLY lift the hold on Philly at 5:30, and we get back on
the plane, head out to the runway, and JUST before they firewall the engines
for takeoff, they put the hold BACK on... AIIIIIIYAH! "Ladies and gentlemen,
ATC has informed me that the next update will be at 6:10... " If I had
a dollar for every time the pilot told us when the NEXT update was going
to be, I'd have NOT lost money this trip. At least the KID was giving us
good data from his walkman....
At 6:45, the hold is yet again lifted, so the captain fires up the engine.
Just one. As we listen to the other engine misfire, the kid listens to
his walkman. This kid is GREAT.... He tells us what's going to happen a
full TEN MINUTES before the captain comes on and says... "Ladies and Gentlemen,
this is the captain speaking. [DUH!] As you can probably tell, Murphy's
Law is in full effect. We have a mechanical problem, and we will be returning
to the gate. We have a spare aircraft, and we will be transferring you
and your bags to that aircraft for this flight. We know you're frustrated,
folks, and, uh, this is one of those days that....uh....." ["SUCKS!", I
yell, to the laughter and agreement of my fellow passengers, though I don't
think the captain heard me....] Gee, if I'm REALLY lucky, I can get there
in time to see Nolan get spanked on the Over/under betting on the BILL.
By the time they get the spare aircraft prepped, though, the flight
crew has "timed out" and cannot travel. Another is called, they FINALLY
arrive at about 9:30 pm, and we get airborne.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the captain speaking. We've been placed
into a holding pattern by Air Traffic Control. As you can see out your
window, traffic is pretty stacked up here at Philadelphia. We expect to
be up here for about 45 minutes. Sorry, folks." BAD BEAT! Now there's NO
chance in hell I can watch Nolan get spanked. No smoker for Jester. At
least now I'm +75 in non-spent money.... REBATE!
We land. FINALLY. I kiss Peg good-bye, head for the SEPTA train and
30th Street Station. I arrive at 30th Street just before midnight. The
departure board says the next train to A.C. is at 1:15 am. I have about
an hour, and am now STARVING. Mc'Dings is there, so I go munch and play
Turbo Texas Hold'em on my notebook for a while. At 1:00 I emerge from McD's,
and there's no 1:15 train listed on the board. Next train, is says, is
5:44 am. "Oh, someone goofed and had the weekend schedule listed up there
for a few minutes around midnight. The last train left about a half hour
ago." Screw the AIYAH. Now I yell "F@%K!" and nearly get thrown OUT of
the station, left to sit in the cold rain of Philly, in shorts and without
a jacket (who needs a jacket at the pocker table? Surely I don't need to
bring a jacket! [Yes, you do need a jacket, Shirley. That's foreshadowing,
for anyone bored and not paying attention by now....] I apologize, he relents,
and I park my ass on a bench until 5:45.
At least the TRAINS didn't break down, and I reach A.C. just before
8 am Friday morning.... No problem, just 14 hours later than I'd expected
to arrive. At least I've used up all the bad karma one possibly can have,
right?
Part II: Bad Mojo
Now we can actually talk about ATLARGE, since I've arrived. No hand-by-hand
details here, no siree... Just highlights. If you made it through my first
part of the report, without falling asleep, well done. Now I'll just hit
you with the highlights of the GAMES, in rapid fire....
I nap for a mere THREE hours, go shoot dice, and win $193. Nice start.
The bad mojo must have been slept ff. I get in a Hold'em game by noon,
with many other ATLARGER's. I take down another small win here. Yes, the
bad mojo is definitely gone. No wood to knock on. Big mistake.
My salvation was the negative (for YOU folks) expectation games. I DESTROYED
the dice tables, taking down about $400 total over the weekend. I left
the Let It Ride table a $50 winner. However, it was the Pai-Gow Poker table
where the first tale of the weekend happened.
Friday night. Pai-Gow Poker. Six ADB's have the entire table locked
up, betting $25 minimums and toking $1 EACH, EACH HAND. In 30 minutes we've
dropped every white chip in the game into the toke box. They have to bring
out a fill. While we're chanting LOUDLY each time the dealer is about to
look at his hand....
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Pai-Gow! |
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Pai-Gow! |
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PAI-GOW! |
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PAI-GOW!!!!! |
...the Asian High-Roller at the table next to us is betting $25,000 per
hand. They bring us the fill: $400,080. (Yes, four hundred thousand and
EIGHTY). My GOD, they must fear us ADB's.... They think I'm going to turn
this paltry $300 toothpick into a lumberyard! MEGA-DING! So we're laughing
hysterically as they count down four stacks of $5000 chips, and four stacks
of $1 chips that are destined to hit the toke box in short order. You have
to love it... Six drunken bastards betting $25 table minimums against a
bank of a half million dollars.....and they COMP us to soup at the Jade
Palace soup kitchen.... HIGHLY recommended.
My hand of doom: I'm banking and am dealt a K-T-8-7-6-3-2 Pai-Gow. That'll
teach ME not to say "House Way" when offered the starting choice... Those
should have been SECOR'S cards! Mega-saddenz as I pay out $225, having
generously offered to bank more than $25 per hand.
Pai-Gow ends at 3:30 am, just in time for us to go get 5 hours of sleep
before the Saturday tourneys..... it's TOURNEY DAY! *This* is why I come
-- this is what I live for....
I lost the Trop 4:15 Limit Hold'em tourney. No hands of note. Two tables
had broken when I busted. Mojo falling....
I lost the Saturday ATLARGE Hold'em Tourney. I was in the lower third
of the field. My hand of doom was heard on MARS. I don't remember the opponent,
but I really, really liked my KK when the flop was T83 rainbow. He led,
I smooth called, and the turn was another rag. I still like my hand, so
when he leads out, I jam. He thinks about it (I like it when they have
to take the time to think!), and calls. He's got me covered in chips, so
if I lose, IGHN. We roll our cards and he finds he's a tremendous dog with
JJ. Someone says "He needs another jack" as the dealer lays down the river
card. Pandemonium breaks loose, the world stops turning, and every other
table wants to know what the ruckus in the corner is about. Jester goes
home now. "Mojo FALLING...."
REBUY! I play in the first annual ATLARGE "rebuy" tournament (the public
NL Hold'em event at noon). Nothing of note. I go out in 13th place, while
it pays 6 places. "FALLING, FALLING...."
EAST: The WSOP satellite I organized.... (FULL trip report on that later).
Second HAND of the tourney overall. Clark Olsen and I both raise all-in
after the flop comes down, you guessed it, under my overpair of KK. ClarkO,
though, has hit middle set (tens), and relegates me to mere timekeeper,
while everyone ELSE finishes playing poker in MY hotel room. That's NOT
the way it was supposed to happen. ;-) "MOJO FALLING, FALLING, WAAAAAAAAAA!"
- Jim Morrison
Negative EV time yet again. Road Rally slot machines come highly recommended
from Mr. Secor, though I think women would enjoy the vibrating seats on
the average of every fifth pull or so, much more so than men. I win $25
on these 25-cent slots, r000ling my chat friends in the side bet department,
and destroying the machines too.
The Roulette Syndicate lost $60 in short order.
$10 minimum at the dice table. Several COMPLETELY empty tables. We have
nine players, and will LOAD this table if they drop to $5 minimum, guaranteeing
them an hour's action. The pit won't relent. I don't understand this, and
neither did Peter, who summed it up nicely...
"If they advertised that they always had at least two $5 tables open,
even on Saturday night, they'd be PACKED, at all tables, 24x7."
A quick explanation of the methodology of our "money laundering" system.
We "wash" our buy-ins. Bet and take odds. If that bet WINS, then the WINNINGS
is "locked up" and cannot be bet again, but we'll keep re-betting the original
bet and odds until its lost. In a perfect world, with zero standard deviation,
we're going to bet each flat bet almost twice, win slightly less than half
the time. Good money management, yes, but still expected to lose.
So we re-angle the house.... Each ADB picks another ADB betting the
same way (do or don't), and we piggy-back. Clark Olsen and I piggy back
the darkside, $500 buy-in each. The table makes krushing of us, and we
are down to $750 total in short order. Peter and Jeremy give it up, with
their winnings, and head to the Let It Ride table, telling Clark and I
to meet them there when done. Clark and I stick it out, knowing (yes, KNOWING)
that the bad mojo MUST end soon. Variance will be our friend at some point.
We've committed to finishing the "wash" of $1000 total.
That "some point" comes when we have just under $800 locked up in payoffs,
and enough to bet darkside and take odds on three bets. Those remaining
chips had the power of the darkside with them.... Using the force, those
chips won EVERY BET for about 20 minutes. We never even lost a don't come....
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"Six, Nine, Five, Seven out, line away, pay the don't". |
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"Five, Three Craps, Ten, Four, Six, Six, Eight, Eight, Seven Out". |
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"Aces Craps, Four, Ten, Six, Five, Five, Five, Five, Seven out." |
When we've finally lost those last three bets of the original buy-ins,
we have $1350, $175 score each. DING!
So, what should you do with found money? Play Let it Ride! I score rolled
up jacks on a ten dollar bet, and leave a quick winner. Secor has a Royal
draw, is shown the fourth club, and lets all three bets ride to score an
8:1 hit on his $30 bets. DING! Soon, though, the magic wears off, and at
about 3:00 we agree to head off to the SIGNATURE event of ATLARGE III.....
Part III: 2-4 Hold'em like you've never seen it before.....
3:30 am, Sunday morning, a table full of drunk bastards has just ordered
another round of beer (twenty beers), has tipped generously, and has yet
again folded around to the button who calls out "Make it four dollars",
to the dismay of the blinds, who fold. The button tips a dollar, and the
game continues. It's...... ROCKS and BEERS, Hold'em style. This game had
more angles than a dodecahedron, and more liquid lubrication (of the social
variety) than Pennzoil. Among the angles:
Jeremy Miller and I both buying into 2-4 Hold'em for $1500 each. We
have pre-arranged a time for us to both continue re-jamming each other,
to the felt, all $1500. It turns out, though, that our timing was HORRIBLE.
The only playable hand, AA, shows up in Clark Olsen's hand when we try
it, ruining it even more when its found that we both had AQo at the time
we started doing this..... We both fold, letting Clark pick up the $32
in the pot, but I would have LOVED to have seen a $3000 pot in 2-4 Hold'em,
and having to tell the dealer to chop it up....
Jeremy and I *did* have an $1100 pot later, which he won. Then even
later, we went about $300 into it, until I folded to his $4 bet on the
river. I didn't have the odds to call, since I had NO outs.... ;-)
I r00led Jeremy back later when my Presto set beat his Aces for a $60
pot. I stacked up the chips in front of me as if splitting an Omaha pot,
and toked the dealer ALL of the winnings from Jeremy, thus sending Satan
[=Jeremy] on tilt.
We toked EVERYONE. Chips were flying through the air all over the place.
We toked the chip runners bringing the fills. (Nolan was sending them over
from the main games.... "Go tell those guys to keep it down -- they'll
toke you.") We toked the cleaning people. We toked anyone that walked by
with a shower of chips. We toked the bartender, the cashier, the cage.
Sadly, one young lady was greatly offended by the chips flying at her
-- she apparently thought we were trying to insult her by making her pick
up tokes off the floor. She walked away in disgust. I hope someone explained
to her that we were certainly not being racist or insulting -- I've never
met a less racist bunch of folks than those from BARGE and ATLARGE gatherings.
Other angles we pulled.... Playing "normal" (i.e. not must-fold hold'em
ala rocks & beers) at the beginning of a new down (perhaps even a bit
looser, capping pots pre-deal, etc.), still tipping lavishly, but after
the button makes a full orbit, we lock down to rocks & beers, putting
the dealer on tilt....
"Toke the pot" (What?) "Toke the pot!" (The whole pot?) "YES!" (Ok!)
"No white checks allowed in the rack!" Every time white chips made it
into the house rack, we'd buy 'em out. One dealer was particularly bothered
by this, as he kept feeling for the whites in the rack, but they weren't
there. No white in the rack is VERY tough on dealers in a 2-4 game... ;-)
I posted my big blind with a $500 chip, and forced the dealer to change
it down, even though I had about $400 in whites in front of me. He had
no white chips in his rack, but I STILL made him change down the $500 into
reds, and then posted the white anyway. I then bought back the $500 next
hand (to his relief -- I don't think the house likes those chips in poker
racks).
I ALMOST had the opportunity for a GREAT angle on Secor that he still
doesn't know about... Hope you're reading this, Peter. The floor saw what
I was doing, and asked me not to do thus, but you'd have loved it... I
borrowed a broom from a cleaning staff member, and had a pair of dice in
my pocket. I was going to use the broom handle to push you a pair of dice
on your big blind, calling "Coming out, line bets, hardways, C and E money".
Alas, I was told that the security cameras would have had FITS seeing that
on the monitors, so I abided by the house wishes and didn't do it. That
would have r00led, though.
This game broke at about 6 am, with me down $60.... Not bad. I certainly
had $60 worth of fun. (How'd I wind up only -60 after those pots with Jeremy?
It was pre-arranged between he and I that we'd even up on our monster pots
at the end -- the idea was to tilt the dealers and the rest of the table,
and it worked).
All of ATLARGE r00led. The house was great, the chat friends were great,
it was all r000ling. I look forward to it again next year.
Net for the trip: -400 give or take, as some of my money was used on
cab fare, train fare, train station food, etc... a LOT better than last
year's $1500 crushing.
[How'd I do in Stud? Slept through the first hour, and finished in the
top half, but out of the money. I'm no stud player. Maybe next year.]
Jeff Woods
