Soooooo, I strung together a few rhyming couplets based on my experience at
Saturday's No-Limit Holdem Tourney. I haven't figured out a title, although
I was thinking of calling it simply "No Balls", since that's pretty much what
cost me a finish in the money. If anyone has any ideas, I'd be interested in
hearing them. But first, the obligatories: Jazbo-helluva job. I hope you'll
do it again next year. EVERYONE: Great group of guys. I'm proud (sniff) to
be part of r.g.p. Our presence projected a force (+++ positive +++) throughout
the poker room at Resorts that probably hasn't been felt since it opened three
years ago. This was *by far* the most fun I've had in AC, despite being
hampered by a relentlessly nagging chest cold all weekend. I wish that we
could do this several times a year, although I suppose if we restrict it to
twice a year each event will seem more special. BRAVO, r.g.p'ers.
I trudge into Merv's poker room in a stupor
With a chest full of phlegm and a head full of 'Buca
Been coughin' and wheezin' and blowin' my nose
I'm a sleep-deprived wreck! Better stay on my toes
It's ten a.m. and time for the tourney
If I feel any worse I'll send for a gurney
No-limit Holdem! Not exactly my game
But what the hell--it's still cards, just the same
I find my table and order a coffee
Perhaps I'll be surrounded by softies
But hell no! It's Jazbo, Dalla, Gerner and Bwana
Sit down at this table? I really don't wanna.
Yet I pull out my Buddha to rest on the felt
With hopes that my stack won't immediately melt
I start somewhat slowly, nothing playable to be seen
Then in late position, I'm dealt Ace-Queen
The flop is a monster! An Ace with two Ladies
For Jerry Gerner, this board came straight from Hades
Jerry checks, I check ("Better let him catch up")
Then the turn brings a dream card for Mookie - Yup!
It's a five: Jerry's turned a Presto full boat
He bets half his stack. I call, my head afloat
The river's a King, not exactly a blank
But Jerry puts me all-in, and his stack takes a spank
And lo and behold! Table chip leader--how's that?
A mere minnow among sharks, and in need of a nap
Consolidation occurs; I look up with great disdain
As I see Woods, Rosenblum, and some huge dude named "Pain"
Bigger stacks on my left, but I'm still not complaining
'Cause at the break I'm eighth, with seventeen remaining
Up to my room I find myself madly rushin'
I snarf down a Chunky and gulp Robitussin
Anxiety reigns! My thoughts are random and crude
As I climb toward the pinnacle of gambling geekitude
Back to the table; I've got to play tight
No problem--Gerner's raising relentlessly from the right
A few more bustouts, then what do I find?
Mr. Big Slick: Ace-King, on my next big blind
Jeff raises on the button-he's about twice my stack
So I contemplate a counterattack
I consider all-in, but that seems half-crazed
Instead, I foolishly toss a minimum re-raise
Jeff calls, here's the flop, and it ain't what I was wishin':
It's a Ten and two Threes, and I'm out of position
I check, and Jeff bets more than half of my pile
Gotta fold. Now I'm crippled, but I might last a while
Round and round go the blinds, and I feel uncertain
My confidence is gone, and my stack is hurtin'
I fold pocket sixes, I fold King-Jack
My weak-tight play ain't gonna get it back
Finally, the big blind takes me all-in
And Woods raises--seems like deja vu all over again
We expose: I'm King-Six versus Jeff's Ace-Eight
This is probably the hand that will seal my fate
The flop brings an Ace, but the turn is a King
I've still got some outs; what will the turn bring?
Not a miracle card--it's a blank, it's a stone
It's a dud, it's a rock--it's a dog-do snowcone
Gazing toward the middle at an unfriendly board
I lament to Tiger, who nods and records
"Twelfth place doesn't pay", I weakly grumbled
And that's the way that Mookie crumbled
If I had had the stones to jam Jeff with AK, I'd have gotten my stack up over
$2K instead of going down under $1K, and I'd have placed. Or busted out
immediately, since Jeff had KTs and a ten flopped. (I'd better stop now,
since Kyle and Tiger have heard this more than once already).
